99 Bottles of NyQuil on the Wall

Holy Moses, I’ve been sick. I was completely out of it on Saturday. I haven’t slept that much in one day since that Keanu Reeves film festival. When I was actually awake I was nodding off. It’s like I got to test drive narcolepsy for a day and with all apologies to people who actually suffer with narcolepsy, it was pretty sweet. I was kind of hoping Sunday would be the same, but I woke up at 5 a.m. and couldn’t go back to sleep after that. I valiantly tried to recapture the sleepiness of Saturday, but nothing worked. By the way, NyQuil with a vodka chaser doesn’t knock you out like you’d hope it would. Oh sure there are some definite effects on the consciousness but sleep was not one of them for me. Maybe if I had shortened the time between doses it would have put me out, but for some reason I dutifully followed the “6 hours between” rule all the while shunning the other possibly more serious warnings about what not to do while taking NyQuil. If I had only been pregnant, on an MAOI inhibitor, and driving a forklift I would have probably had the NyQuil police show up at my door.

I should have taken off Monday and gone to a doctor, but who wants to be smart about their health? Anybody? I woke up feeling pretty good on Monday. Sure I was still coughing like a chain-smoking coal miner and my voice had all the crispness and clarity of, uh; let’s go with Carol Channing this time, but I felt pretty good. I felt a little better yesterday too, although my throat gets really sore at night. Today I feel okay and the frequency of my coughing has decreased each day. My body seems to still think I’m sick, but I honestly feel pretty good. It’s like the opposite of the first line in R. Kelly’s “Bump ‘n Grind”. Anyway, I hope I’m shaking it off and am on the road to recovery because although I do feel good, I am still fairly lethargic.